Buy Your #TeamMonk fundraiser ticket !
You can show your support and donate for my trek to Everest in aid of the awesome children's Christmas wishlist, these guys give terminally ill children a reason to smile at their darkest times.
Please help me to raise as much as I can in the knowledge that every penny raised goes straight towards helping a child smile !
MY JOURNEY
WHEN I HAD MY ACCIDENT AND SUBSEQUENTLY LOST MY LEG, MY WORLD AND MY PERSEPTION OF MOST THINGS IN IT CHANGED. AT FIRST I WAS ANGRY, SO ANGRY I WOULD SCREAM AND CRY AND SHOUT AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION, AT ANYONE WHO HAPPENED TO BE NEAR ME. AND GOD GOT HIS FAIR SHARE OF IT TOO. THEN I GAVE UP ON THE ANGER, AD TOOK ON SELF PITY AND SELF LOATHING WITH A PREVIOUSLY UNIMAGINABLE VIGOUR. HOW COULD I BE A HUSBAND, FATHER, FRIEND OR EVEN HUMAN WITH HOW I WAS FEELING.
THE ANSWER WAS I COULDN'T.
IN MY MIND, I MAY AS WELL OF NOT BEEN HERE, I COULDN'T WALK ANYMORE AND LIVING WITH A WHEELCHAIR AND MOST IMPORTANTLY FOR ME AT THE TIME, LIVING WITH THE FACT THAT I WAS NO LONGER A WHOLE PERSON. I COULDN'T BARE THE THOUGHT OF PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME AND JUST SEEING SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY. MY DISABILITY HAD DEFINED ME, IT WAS ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT AND I WAS MORE CONCERNED WITH WHAT HAD BEEN TAKEN FROM ME THAT I COULDNT SEE HOW FAR DOWN THE PATH OF DEPRESSION I HAD TAKEN.
IT DIDN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAID TO ME, I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR IT. NO MATTER WHAT HELP AND SUPPORT WAS OFFERED, I DIDN'T WANT IT OR TAKE IT. I HAD MADE MY DECISION. I DID NOT WAT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE SO I HAD DECIDED TO TAKE MY LIFE.
I WAS GOING TO JUMP FROM A BRIDGE ( DRAMATIC TO THE LAST ) AND I THOUGHT, THAT WOULD BE THAT THEN.
BUT CALL IT WHAT YOU MAY, WHETHER IT WAS AS GREAT AS DIVINE INTERVENTION OR JUST THE CRAZY ROLLER COASTER THAT WE CALL LIFE, I COULDNT GET MYSELF OVER THE BARRIER.
THAT FAILURE TO ACIEVE WHAT I WANTED TO DO TURNED OUT TO BE THE MOST AMAZING VICTORY IN MY LIFE.
I WENT HOME AND DECIDED TO FIND MYSELF SOMETHING ELSE TO FOCUS ON. I NEEDED TO FIND A GOAL THAT DIDNT REVOLVE AROUND MY DISABILITY. I FOUND MYSELF ( AFTER HAVING A GOOD CRY ) ON GOOGLE, WITH THE LITTLE CURSOR BLINKING AT ME, ASKING ME WHAT I WANTED TO LOOK FOR.
I HAD NO IDEA.
AFTER THINKING ABOUT THINGS I USED TO LIKE DOING, I SETTLED ON SHOOTING. I WAS ALWAYS A PRETTY GOOD SHOT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU MUST BE ABLE TO DO THAT STTING DOWN. WITHIN SECONDS I FOUND DTSGB THAT WAS THE MOMENT I STARTED TO LIVE AFTER MY INJURY. I STARTED GOING TO THE DTSGB TRAINING WEEKENDS AND I MET PEOPLE WITH ALL DIFFERENT DISABILITIES, ALL SHAPES, SIZES, COLOURS, RELIGIONS AND PERSONAILITIES. ONE THING THAT THEY ALL HAD IN COMMON THOUGH, WAS THIER DESIRE T PERFORM AT THEIR CHOSEN SPORT TO THE BEST OF THEIR ABILITY. THEY WERE SHOOTERS FIRST, PEOPLE SECOND AND THE DISABILITY WAS A LONG WAY DOWN THEIR LIST OF PRIORITIES, ONLY REALLY BEING ACKNOWLEDGED WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECSSARY.
THIS WAS A REVELATION TO ME. HMM NOT LET THE FACT IM MISSING A LEG MATTER ??? CAN I DO THAT ?
IN FACT IT WAS THE EASIEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE. AND BY DOING SO, I BEGAN TO REALISE THAT THE WORD DISABILITY IS ACTUALLY VERY MUCH MISLEADING. IT PRE SUPPOSES THAT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO DO THINGS. IN FACT THE WORD DISABILITY ISA CROCK OF YOU KNOW WHAT. SOME OF THE MOST BRILLIANT MINDS OF THE ENTIRE PLANET HAS WHAT IS CALLED A DISABILITY, AND HE IS MORE ABLE MENTALLY THAN ALMOST ANYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET. I HAVE MET GUYS WITH NO LEGS THAT CAN RUN A DAMN SITE FASTER THAN I EVER COULD WITH 2. WOULD YOU SAY THEY ARE DISABLED ? NOT BLOODY LIKELY.
I TURNED TO SPORTS, FIRSTLY 3 YEARS OF WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE AS BEING PART OF THE GREATEST EVER TEAM I COULD HAVE IMAGINED AS A SHOOTER FOR THEGREAT BRITAIN SHOOTING TEAM. IT WAS THERE THAT I FIRST SERVED MY APPRENTISHIP OF BEING AN ATHLETE. I LEARNED HOW TO TRAIN HARD, WORK HARD, PLAY HARD AND MOST OF ALL I LEARNED HOW TO JUST BE ME. OR AS THE SHOOTING GUYS WOULD SAY " FLUFF" ( DON'T ASK ). IN THE END, I QUITE LIKED BEING ME. I FOUND I HAD THE CONFIDENCE AND WILL POWER TO HAVE A GOAL AND ACHIEVE IT. I ALSO LEARNED THE BITTER TASTE OF DEFEAT, AND HOW TO HANDLE IT. I LEARNED HOW TO TAKE PRAISE AS WELL AS CRITICISM AND HOW TO REACH FOR THE SEEMINGLY ANATTAINABLE. I WITNESSED WORLD CLASS SPORTSPEOPLE, AT THE PEAK OF THEIR ABILITIES ENTER AN ALMOST ZEN LIKE STATE. AND I LOVED IT. I LOVED IT WITH A INTENSITY I HAD EXPERIENCED ONLY ONCE BEFORE. ONLY DIFFERENCE WAS THAT THIS FEELING WAS PASSION TO IMPROVE MY OWN PERFORMANCES AND AS I GOT BETTER, I STARTED TRAVELLING AS A MEMBER OF THE PISTOL SHOOTING SQUAD ALL OVER EUROPE. I HAD A JACKET WITH MY COUNTRIES FLAG ON IT, I WAS ONE OF THE BEST IN THE CONTRY AND I HAD A GB TEAM KIT !!!!
MY TIME IN HE SHOOTING SQUAD HAD REBUILT ME, I WAS NOW A PERSON I WAS PROUD OF.
I WAS ME.
AND THEN.......
AND THEN.................
I FOUND ANOTHER THING THAT WOULD TAKE OVER MY WORLD..........
GOLF !!!!!!!
THE ANSWER WAS I COULDN'T.
IN MY MIND, I MAY AS WELL OF NOT BEEN HERE, I COULDN'T WALK ANYMORE AND LIVING WITH A WHEELCHAIR AND MOST IMPORTANTLY FOR ME AT THE TIME, LIVING WITH THE FACT THAT I WAS NO LONGER A WHOLE PERSON. I COULDN'T BARE THE THOUGHT OF PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME AND JUST SEEING SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY. MY DISABILITY HAD DEFINED ME, IT WAS ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT AND I WAS MORE CONCERNED WITH WHAT HAD BEEN TAKEN FROM ME THAT I COULDNT SEE HOW FAR DOWN THE PATH OF DEPRESSION I HAD TAKEN.
IT DIDN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAID TO ME, I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR IT. NO MATTER WHAT HELP AND SUPPORT WAS OFFERED, I DIDN'T WANT IT OR TAKE IT. I HAD MADE MY DECISION. I DID NOT WAT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE SO I HAD DECIDED TO TAKE MY LIFE.
I WAS GOING TO JUMP FROM A BRIDGE ( DRAMATIC TO THE LAST ) AND I THOUGHT, THAT WOULD BE THAT THEN.
BUT CALL IT WHAT YOU MAY, WHETHER IT WAS AS GREAT AS DIVINE INTERVENTION OR JUST THE CRAZY ROLLER COASTER THAT WE CALL LIFE, I COULDNT GET MYSELF OVER THE BARRIER.
THAT FAILURE TO ACIEVE WHAT I WANTED TO DO TURNED OUT TO BE THE MOST AMAZING VICTORY IN MY LIFE.
I WENT HOME AND DECIDED TO FIND MYSELF SOMETHING ELSE TO FOCUS ON. I NEEDED TO FIND A GOAL THAT DIDNT REVOLVE AROUND MY DISABILITY. I FOUND MYSELF ( AFTER HAVING A GOOD CRY ) ON GOOGLE, WITH THE LITTLE CURSOR BLINKING AT ME, ASKING ME WHAT I WANTED TO LOOK FOR.
I HAD NO IDEA.
AFTER THINKING ABOUT THINGS I USED TO LIKE DOING, I SETTLED ON SHOOTING. I WAS ALWAYS A PRETTY GOOD SHOT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU MUST BE ABLE TO DO THAT STTING DOWN. WITHIN SECONDS I FOUND DTSGB THAT WAS THE MOMENT I STARTED TO LIVE AFTER MY INJURY. I STARTED GOING TO THE DTSGB TRAINING WEEKENDS AND I MET PEOPLE WITH ALL DIFFERENT DISABILITIES, ALL SHAPES, SIZES, COLOURS, RELIGIONS AND PERSONAILITIES. ONE THING THAT THEY ALL HAD IN COMMON THOUGH, WAS THIER DESIRE T PERFORM AT THEIR CHOSEN SPORT TO THE BEST OF THEIR ABILITY. THEY WERE SHOOTERS FIRST, PEOPLE SECOND AND THE DISABILITY WAS A LONG WAY DOWN THEIR LIST OF PRIORITIES, ONLY REALLY BEING ACKNOWLEDGED WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECSSARY.
THIS WAS A REVELATION TO ME. HMM NOT LET THE FACT IM MISSING A LEG MATTER ??? CAN I DO THAT ?
IN FACT IT WAS THE EASIEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE. AND BY DOING SO, I BEGAN TO REALISE THAT THE WORD DISABILITY IS ACTUALLY VERY MUCH MISLEADING. IT PRE SUPPOSES THAT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO DO THINGS. IN FACT THE WORD DISABILITY ISA CROCK OF YOU KNOW WHAT. SOME OF THE MOST BRILLIANT MINDS OF THE ENTIRE PLANET HAS WHAT IS CALLED A DISABILITY, AND HE IS MORE ABLE MENTALLY THAN ALMOST ANYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET. I HAVE MET GUYS WITH NO LEGS THAT CAN RUN A DAMN SITE FASTER THAN I EVER COULD WITH 2. WOULD YOU SAY THEY ARE DISABLED ? NOT BLOODY LIKELY.
I TURNED TO SPORTS, FIRSTLY 3 YEARS OF WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE AS BEING PART OF THE GREATEST EVER TEAM I COULD HAVE IMAGINED AS A SHOOTER FOR THEGREAT BRITAIN SHOOTING TEAM. IT WAS THERE THAT I FIRST SERVED MY APPRENTISHIP OF BEING AN ATHLETE. I LEARNED HOW TO TRAIN HARD, WORK HARD, PLAY HARD AND MOST OF ALL I LEARNED HOW TO JUST BE ME. OR AS THE SHOOTING GUYS WOULD SAY " FLUFF" ( DON'T ASK ). IN THE END, I QUITE LIKED BEING ME. I FOUND I HAD THE CONFIDENCE AND WILL POWER TO HAVE A GOAL AND ACHIEVE IT. I ALSO LEARNED THE BITTER TASTE OF DEFEAT, AND HOW TO HANDLE IT. I LEARNED HOW TO TAKE PRAISE AS WELL AS CRITICISM AND HOW TO REACH FOR THE SEEMINGLY ANATTAINABLE. I WITNESSED WORLD CLASS SPORTSPEOPLE, AT THE PEAK OF THEIR ABILITIES ENTER AN ALMOST ZEN LIKE STATE. AND I LOVED IT. I LOVED IT WITH A INTENSITY I HAD EXPERIENCED ONLY ONCE BEFORE. ONLY DIFFERENCE WAS THAT THIS FEELING WAS PASSION TO IMPROVE MY OWN PERFORMANCES AND AS I GOT BETTER, I STARTED TRAVELLING AS A MEMBER OF THE PISTOL SHOOTING SQUAD ALL OVER EUROPE. I HAD A JACKET WITH MY COUNTRIES FLAG ON IT, I WAS ONE OF THE BEST IN THE CONTRY AND I HAD A GB TEAM KIT !!!!
MY TIME IN HE SHOOTING SQUAD HAD REBUILT ME, I WAS NOW A PERSON I WAS PROUD OF.
I WAS ME.
AND THEN.......
AND THEN.................
I FOUND ANOTHER THING THAT WOULD TAKE OVER MY WORLD..........
GOLF !!!!!!!